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(cheers and applause) >> jon: i'm sorry. >> this is isn't even mine. >> jon: hi no idea, law. i had no idea, dodd frank, that you have been through some of. >> you don't know what you're talking about. you haven't seen the things i've seen. >> jon: i know. >> ♪ i'm just a law ♪ but my ass [bleep] and my balls put through a circular saw ♪ ♪ and every one ♪ who swore up and down to support me ♪ ♪ now they walk ♪ late term abort me ♪ last night i got hit by a car ♪ ♪ it's gone too far ♪ for this law ♪ did you i mention my ass was at [bleep] ♪ so, what are we going to do with this? i don't know. the usual? [ blower whirring ] sometimes it pays to switch things up. my - what, my hair? no. car insurance. i switched to progressive and they gave me discounts for the time i spent with my old company. saved a bunch. that's a reason to switch. big savings -- it's a good look for you. [ blower whirring ] [blower stops] the safety was off. out there with a better way. now, that's progressive. >> jon: welcome back to the show. earlier tonight we saw how the dodd
(cheers and applause) >> jon: i'm sorry. >> this is isn't even mine. >> jon: hi no idea, law. i had no idea, dodd frank, that you have been through some of. >> you don't know what you're talking about. you haven't seen the things i've seen. >> jon: i know. >> ♪ i'm just a law ♪ but my ass [bleep] and my balls put through a circular saw ♪ ♪ and every one ♪ who swore up and down to support me ♪ ♪ now they walk ♪ late term abort me ♪ last night...
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is jon stewart, man! do we have a good show for you tonight. tonight's guest peter tomsen, author of a new book "the wars of afghanistan" that's right, plural, wars. as you know, debt ceiling discussions, coming down to the wire. political leaders on both sides pulling out all the stops. all the stops. like the kind of stops that high school football coaches use before homecoming games in particular at thiscious small towns. >> kevin mccarthy a third ranking republican in the house urged republicans to unite behind boehner's plan by showing this clip from the movie "the town" >> the town? (laughter) "the town", no rudy-- "rudy" "brian song" or "300" or "rocky" or "rocky 2" or "rocky 3" or really any of the "rockies" you went with the boston bank rubbers in nun costumes clip. >> well, there is going to be good. (laughter) let's see the clip-- (cheers and applause) >> that the republicans used, let's see the clip that the republicans used to urge their hard line tea party freshman coalition to drop their ob
is jon stewart, man! do we have a good show for you tonight. tonight's guest peter tomsen, author of a new book "the wars of afghanistan" that's right, plural, wars. as you know, debt ceiling discussions, coming down to the wire. political leaders on both sides pulling out all the stops. all the stops. like the kind of stops that high school football coaches use before homecoming games in particular at thiscious small towns. >> kevin mccarthy a third ranking republican in the...
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jon stewart picked up on all of it with chuck schumer. >> the democratic response to the republicans use of that clip from the movie the town did lead to one of my favorite recent moments on cable news. i give you chuck schumer's movie break down show. >> in the scene, they chose to inspire their house freshmen, one of the crooks gives a pep talk to the other right before they both put on hockey masks, bludgeon two men with sticks, and shoot a man in the leg. >> join us next week when i, chuck assume, revishu schumer, i classic the star wars. in this film, a large asthmatic man dressed in black plastic cuts the arm off of a boy wearing pajamas with some type of a glow stick. and here's the part you won't believe. the man in the suit is the boy's father. >> pretty good summary. still ahead on "way too early," why are you awake? tweets, texts and e-mails are next. emily's just starting out... and on a budget. like a ramen noodle- every-night budget. she thought allstate car insurance was out of her reach. until she heard about the value plan. and saving money with allstate doesn't stop
jon stewart picked up on all of it with chuck schumer. >> the democratic response to the republicans use of that clip from the movie the town did lead to one of my favorite recent moments on cable news. i give you chuck schumer's movie break down show. >> in the scene, they chose to inspire their house freshmen, one of the crooks gives a pep talk to the other right before they both put on hockey masks, bludgeon two men with sticks, and shoot a man in the leg. >> join us next...
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. >> jon: so.... >> a good school. >> jon: go fightin' fishers. we're close to hitting the bullshit ceiling. why should we worry? >> jon, if we reach the point where the amount of bullshit exceeds the amount of actual things we will effectively default on reality. it's already started happening. >> if you want an abortion you go to planned parenthood. that's well over 90% of what planned parenthood does. >> trying to ask what he was talking about there. i just want to give it to you ver bait... verbatim. his remark was not intended to be a factual statement. >> did you see that? when jon kyl got called on his bullshit his response was to get angry at people for expecting something other than bullshit. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: in this time of crisis, why can't we just raise the bullshit ceiling? >> this isn't an arbitrary figure like the debt ceiling. this is real. and if we can't cut the bullshit, then there's only one solution: we as a nation need to start replacing shit with farts from our butt. >> jon: come on, jason. >> watch. factual a
. >> jon: so.... >> a good school. >> jon: go fightin' fishers. we're close to hitting the bullshit ceiling. why should we worry? >> jon, if we reach the point where the amount of bullshit exceeds the amount of actual things we will effectively default on reality. it's already started happening. >> if you want an abortion you go to planned parenthood. that's well over 90% of what planned parenthood does. >> trying to ask what he was talking about there. i...
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jon, grow up. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight on broadway starring in how to succeed in business without really trying. you may know from harry potter and the deathly hallows, part 2. >> can you see anything? >> everything you touch will multiply. >> jon: come on. that looks cool. please welcome daniel radcliffe. ( cheers and applause ) nice to see you. thank you for being here. >> thank you very much. >> jon: i don't want spoilers. i don't want... i've not had a chance. does he get his ring back? >> yes. he's the central character in this film. >> jon: what an exciting time. how are you feeling right now? is it excitement over having this done? is it melancholy? bitter-sweet? what's the feeling? >> i don't know. it's weird. in the london premiere i was very emotional. i was kind of... it's been a year since we started filming. i guess i'm kind of focused on the show at the moment as well as still doing it eight times a week. i don't know. >> jon: are you doing the show tonight? >> no, no. monday is our night off
jon, grow up. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight on broadway starring in how to succeed in business without really trying. you may know from harry potter and the deathly hallows, part 2. >> can you see anything? >> everything you touch will multiply. >> jon: come on. that looks cool. please welcome daniel radcliffe. ( cheers and applause ) nice to see you. thank you for being here. >> thank you very much. >> jon: i don't want...
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[laughter] >> jon: so even student council is bad? >> well, it's a gateway office, jon. [laughter] >> jon: john, i have a friend. i want to talk to you about him, a teenager. his son is a teenager, recently turned sullen and combative, and he's quite secretive. >> well, lucky him, john, he's okay. a time to worry is when your child becomes suspiciously extroverted, if he's suddenly fond of corny jokes or likes to walk around the dinner table shaking hands and asking, what's good here? what are we eating? when the neighbors bring a baby over, does he kiss it repeatedly on the cheek over and over again looking for the cameras? if so, bing, you he could be looking at four to eight years in the illinois statehouse followed by 15 to 20 years in prison. >> jon: terrifying, john. do you think it's getting through to the next generation? >> we can only hope, but it's not for lack of trying. already they're launching a statewide campaign to keep kids on the right track. talk to your children, jon, talk to your kids before it's too late. >> jon: thank you so much, john oliver with
[laughter] >> jon: so even student council is bad? >> well, it's a gateway office, jon. [laughter] >> jon: john, i have a friend. i want to talk to you about him, a teenager. his son is a teenager, recently turned sullen and combative, and he's quite secretive. >> well, lucky him, john, he's okay. a time to worry is when your child becomes suspiciously extroverted, if he's suddenly fond of corny jokes or likes to walk around the dinner table shaking hands and asking,...
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[laughter] >> jon: really? >> i don't make the rules, jon. jon >> jon: look. if even that guy raised taxes, doesn't that at least challenge the current republican belief system? >> cynics like you are always looking for doctrinal contradictions. >> jon: the rich now have way more wealth and income even since the 80s. republicans think tax cuts raise revenue, why not cut taxes to zero. >> jon, let me tell you parable. a holy man was in the desert and the multitudes came and said, we have no food. he said, here are five loaves and two fishes and so it was that the holy man and one of his friends sat down and ate a [bleeped] load of fish sandwiches. [laughter] >> jon: what about... [applause] what about the multitudes? >> what about 'em? are you suggesting that socialist redistribution of fish and bread? why punish the most successful fisherman? >> jon: look, i don't think i understand this parable's message. how do the multitudes eat? >> that's not the holy man's problem. am i my brother's keeper? >> jon: that's a biblical saying. cain said that when he's trying
[laughter] >> jon: really? >> i don't make the rules, jon. jon >> jon: look. if even that guy raised taxes, doesn't that at least challenge the current republican belief system? >> cynics like you are always looking for doctrinal contradictions. >> jon: the rich now have way more wealth and income even since the 80s. republicans think tax cuts raise revenue, why not cut taxes to zero. >> jon, let me tell you parable. a holy man was in the desert and the...
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my name is jon stewart. welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. our guest is daniel radcliffe. the star of the new flick harry potter and the half billion dollars in worldwide weekend gross. so exciting tonight. i found out something scientifically i didn't know was possible. a canadian with breed with a german. did you know that? ( cheers and applause ) i don't even know how they fit them together. they've created a new species of canad-erman. you know what? no fooling around. our top story tonight, of course, the debt ceiling. our ongoing segment. that is in no way hyperbolic as america mes closer to laying out a blanket in front of our garage and selling off all our old board games it has become clear that time for action is short. >> theate president says he wants an agreement. >> president obama set a deadline. >> president obama now says it's decision time. >> jon: snap, commander in chief throwing down a deadline. on friday the president of the united states broke out his "i mean business" podium. >> we are obviously running out of time. so
my name is jon stewart. welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. our guest is daniel radcliffe. the star of the new flick harry potter and the half billion dollars in worldwide weekend gross. so exciting tonight. i found out something scientifically i didn't know was possible. a canadian with breed with a german. did you know that? ( cheers and applause ) i don't even know how they fit them together. they've created a new species of canad-erman. you know what? no fooling around. our...
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Jul 19, 2011
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jon, grow up. jon, grow up. >> jon: ...was it something big? ...or something small? ...something old? ...or something new? ...or maybe, just maybe... it's something you haven't seen yet. the 2nd generation of intel core processors. stunning visuals, intelligent performance. this is visibly smart. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight starring in how to succeed in business without really trying. you may know him from harry potter and the deathly hallows part 2. >> can you see anything? >> everything you touch will multiply. >> jon: come on. that looks cool. please welcome daniel radcliffe. ( cheers and applause ) nice to see you. thanks for being here. >> thank you very much for having me on. >> jon: i don't want spoilers. i don't want... i've not had a chance. does he get his ring back? >> yes. he's the central character in this film. >> jon: what an exciting time. how are you feeling right now? is it excitement over having this done? is it melancholy, bitter-sweet? >> i don't know. it's weird. when we were at the london premiere i was gettin
jon, grow up. jon, grow up. >> jon: ...was it something big? ...or something small? ...something old? ...or something new? ...or maybe, just maybe... it's something you haven't seen yet. the 2nd generation of intel core processors. stunning visuals, intelligent performance. this is visibly smart. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight starring in how to succeed in business without really trying. you may know him from harry potter and the deathly hallows part...
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a lot of frustration across the country on this one, jon. thanks so much. >>> and still ahead here on "world news" this friday night, the queen and kate giving us a tour at buckingham palace. and the wedding dress. what surprised our reporter when he saw it? >>> the good life tonight. more of the boomers this evening. and this time, they're reinventing their bodies. meet the boomer putting our claire shipman through the ringer. >>> and, later tonight, you've got to see this. the little boy, the baseball captured in the stands -- and what none of us saw coming next. to keep in balance after 50, i switched to a complete multivitamin with more. only one a day women's 50+ advantage has ginkgo for memory and concentration, plus support for bone and breast health. a great addition to my routine. [ female announcer ] one a day women's. we throw out over $500 in food ziploc preevery year.gic. help save more of it with ziploc freezer bags featuring the smartzip seal. edge-to-edge protection you can hear. get ziploc and get more out of it. [ female an
a lot of frustration across the country on this one, jon. thanks so much. >>> and still ahead here on "world news" this friday night, the queen and kate giving us a tour at buckingham palace. and the wedding dress. what surprised our reporter when he saw it? >>> the good life tonight. more of the boomers this evening. and this time, they're reinventing their bodies. meet the boomer putting our claire shipman through the ringer. >>> and, later tonight, you've...
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broke, unemployed shall, endlessly deployed. >> jon, jon, jon, you're hurting. i know that. >> jon: wow!, john oliver, how did you get here? >> jon, i got here the way the british people who bring comfort have traveled for hundreds of years. a magic cloak and umbrella. that is how i got here. (applause) >> how do i get here every day. >> jon: yeah. i guess you saw, i was away for a week, i come back. the news is just bleak and i'm in a bad way. >> i saw that. corruption of your national institutions have got enyou don't, haven't they, chappy? >> jon: only a trusted friend could through perhaps a comparative back and forth put my troubles in perspective. i think that would be -- >> have no fear ♪ ♪ england's here ♪ to make you feel ♪ a ittle etter ♪. >> jon: what, what just happened to your con son ants. >> we took them hem when we're elping eople. >> jon: that's charming. i think are you in own your head, quite frankly. we have real trouble in this country. >> right, jon, what would england know about a dying empire with rotting institutions. well, let
broke, unemployed shall, endlessly deployed. >> jon, jon, jon, you're hurting. i know that. >> jon: wow!, john oliver, how did you get here? >> jon, i got here the way the british people who bring comfort have traveled for hundreds of years. a magic cloak and umbrella. that is how i got here. (applause) >> how do i get here every day. >> jon: yeah. i guess you saw, i was away for a week, i come back. the news is just bleak and i'm in a bad way. >> i saw that....
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[laughter] >> jon: jon stewart, "the daily show." i have a quick question. as a frequent radioshack customer, i may be qualified to tell you what may be an issue with your plan, but go ahead. >> the problem with it was the limited battery life. [laughter and applause] >> jon: see, the batteries at radioshack are designed to work with one of those little remote control helicopters that work... once. [laughter] so now that we know the g.p.s. tracking system for the assault rifles we sold mexican cartels didn't work, how do we find out where the guns are? what is plan "b"? >> the only way you're going to find those guns in mexico is where? >> at crime scenes in which either the bad guy was killed and his gun was left at the scene or used during the commission of a crime in which the gun was left behind. >> jon: okay. [laughter] so our plan to prevent american guns from being used in mexican gang violence is to provide mexican gangs american guns. [laughter] to use according to our plan. [laughter] how exactly did we convince the mexican government to cooperate
[laughter] >> jon: jon stewart, "the daily show." i have a quick question. as a frequent radioshack customer, i may be qualified to tell you what may be an issue with your plan, but go ahead. >> the problem with it was the limited battery life. [laughter and applause] >> jon: see, the batteries at radioshack are designed to work with one of those little remote control helicopters that work... once. [laughter] so now that we know the g.p.s. tracking system for the...
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wow. >> no, no. >> jon: wow! >> no. >> jon: i needed that. i needed that. >> you're welcome. >> jon: thank you. >> you're welcome. >> jon: though that was a little harder than in rehearsal and it was more on the eye than i thought it was going to be. >> i don't believe in half measures and i don't know how to fake slap anyway. >> jon: that's going to leave a mark. just because this guy runs a therapy practice that perpetrates a terrible so shiite al crime on gay people itç doesn't mean i should give. in we talked about in this group, jon. comedy is a choice. you weren't born this way. >> jon: i know. i know that. >> you understand? >> jon: i do know that. >> you can resist it. you must resist it. >> jon: it's so hard jerry. >> instead of going for the cheap gay joke try watching the footage. make astute observations. he's a big man. he is dancing. what kind of dance is he doing? >> jon: it's called the the shag. that's a funny name. he has a funny name. >> jon: marcus bachmann y is that funny? >> bachmann? is that a classical music superher
wow. >> no, no. >> jon: wow! >> no. >> jon: i needed that. i needed that. >> you're welcome. >> jon: thank you. >> you're welcome. >> jon: though that was a little harder than in rehearsal and it was more on the eye than i thought it was going to be. >> i don't believe in half measures and i don't know how to fake slap anyway. >> jon: that's going to leave a mark. just because this guy runs a therapy practice that perpetrates a...
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. >> jon: yes! finally. ( applause ) let me tell you what's going on. i do an interview with chris wallace. i mentioned fox news viewers were the most consistently misinformed viewers in every poll. politifact said i shouldn't have said every poll. just most. i brought up a 21 lie salute of politifact spot fact checking so i assume that chris wallace now begins the work of apologizing for fox's many false and misleading statements. probably do a blooper show and carry us into the 2014 midterm s with a clear conscious. >> do you believe that fox news is exactly the ideological equivalent... of nbc news. >> i think we're the counterweight. i think they have a liberal agenda. i think we tell the other side of the story. jon seemed to think that was a big deal that i said we tell the other side of the story. i wish i had said the full story. here's what i meant. >> jon: wait. that was a big deal that you said that. that's your setting the record straight? i accidentally told the truth and wish i could t
. >> jon: yes! finally. ( applause ) let me tell you what's going on. i do an interview with chris wallace. i mentioned fox news viewers were the most consistently misinformed viewers in every poll. politifact said i shouldn't have said every poll. just most. i brought up a 21 lie salute of politifact spot fact checking so i assume that chris wallace now begins the work of apologizing for fox's many false and misleading statements. probably do a blooper show and carry us into the 2014...
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sir. >> jon: and it was a raid. is that unusual to be on a day raid like that? >> for us it is unusual. >> jon: you're an army ranger. >> yeah, we don't normally do daylight raids, but the necessity to get out there and get this high value target and the time of day, we had to act on it. >> jon: in the beginning of it, you are wounded early on in the fight? >> yes, shot through both thighs. i actually didn't realize it until i got to the medics later, but i thought i was just shot in the left leg. it had stuck in there or something. i didn't feel it go all the way through both legs. so i was running around doing things for a little bit. [laughter] i know that sounds odd. >> jon: i could stop you there. and be very proud of your service and all you did. so in this... now, you are really a veteran in this group. you have been to afghanistan. this was your sixth tour. and you had two tours in iraq. >> actually, it was my fifth tour. i've been back since. >> jon: you've been back to afghanistan for another tour since yo
sir. >> jon: and it was a raid. is that unusual to be on a day raid like that? >> for us it is unusual. >> jon: you're an army ranger. >> yeah, we don't normally do daylight raids, but the necessity to get out there and get this high value target and the time of day, we had to act on it. >> jon: in the beginning of it, you are wounded early on in the fight? >> yes, shot through both thighs. i actually didn't realize it until i got to the medics later, but i...
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jon. you have the iranian vice president who's arriving with a high profile delegation to baghdad to meet with iraqi prime minister nor i al-maliki, a fellow shia muslim, they're trying to build relations, and listen to senators joe lieberman and lindsey graham, who just returned from afghanistan: >> the biggest nightmare for the ayatollahs in iran is to have a democrat -- democracy in iraq and afghanistan on their borders so yes, they're helping the taliban, they're trying to react to debate that shia are trying to bring down democracy, they're trying to undermine their efforts. they're responsible for material coming into both countries that are killing not only american soldiers but the rec -- iraqi and afghan people. >> they've got the blood of a lot of people on their hands, including the hundreds of americans who have been killed in iraq as a result of iranian training and equipping of extremist militias. >> reporter: but i just asked general david rodriquez, who is the number two in
jon. you have the iranian vice president who's arriving with a high profile delegation to baghdad to meet with iraqi prime minister nor i al-maliki, a fellow shia muslim, they're trying to build relations, and listen to senators joe lieberman and lindsey graham, who just returned from afghanistan: >> the biggest nightmare for the ayatollahs in iran is to have a democrat -- democracy in iraq and afghanistan on their borders so yes, they're helping the taliban, they're trying to react to...